Chapter 8 - Free Falling

For those of you just tuning in or those that read this you will know by now that I have wanted to go skydiving for some time. Now to the left you will see a picture of my self and Mark my jump. Instructor. Now I tandem jumped which means I was tied to him the whole time. He has been jumping since he was 16 so I figured to be in pretty good hands.
Now I figured I would be jumping from some airport or some nice facility. However after driving two hours from my home here in Pittsburgh to outside Canton, Ohio I found myself turning down a dirt road next to an airstrip made of grass. Never judge a book by it's cover I have been told so here I am.
After going through pre-flight instructions and watching counltess videos played on the TV of other jumpers I found myself taking pictures and walking out to a Cessna. (Small Airplane)
There was another gentleman who had just come home from Iraq and his wife got him a gift certificate. Like most people there who were jumping they had family and friends, this gentleman and I were by ourselves. Funny how many times they asked if anybody would be joining me. Just kept telling them I was alone, always good when you are about to jump out of an airplane. Had to leave the good ol emergency contact number just in case. Sign the waiver so I won't sue them and I am off.
We took off using this long strech of grass field. It was a bumpy take off with 5 people (including pilot) squished into this small plane. We climbed which seem to take forever and up until this point I will admit I was not nervous at all, not even scared. But of course the higher you are going and the small the ground is, you can't help but feel a bit aprehinsive. I mean you are climbing to 10,000 ft. there is a lake below you, some roads and this small target (airport) which oyu are aiming for.
After reaching 10,000 feet, time to put on goggles and hat, get straped to my instructor and after the first team left it was our turn. Door is open, plane going 100's of miles per hour and you are supposed to fall away from the plane. Well since you are no in control, the inst. is you have no choice but to exit.
So here we are now outside the plane wind in face free falling from 10,000 feet. This is the point you start to scream and wonder what the hell I just did. Because I had not tucked my legs back we started to spin a bit as we were falling, the inst. kicked my legs back and we were able to faltten out. Now I have my arms out like I am flying hurling towards the ground. cheeks flapping and ground approaching.
The chute opend and we did not shoot up like you see in movies, made sure all was ok and at 5,000 feet we started our nice glide. It is very quiet up there and I can talk to the inst. I was able to grab the handles of the chute and could turn left and right, went out over the lake and headed towards the landing spot. Feet up and a nice butt slide on the ground to land and after about 10 min. I was back on earth.

After someone telling me this was a dumb idea, I had to do it. Any time somebody tells you what you believe is wrong, makes you want to do it all the more. This was the greatest experience I have had to date. Doing soemthing out of your comfort zone is hard, but sometimes we have to prove to others and ourselves that we can do it.

this is not the last time I will do this, it was fun and very self rewarding. I even got the Dvd if anybody ever wants to see it.

So moral of the story is Follow your dreams no matter what they are, you only live once so live your life to the fullest every day. Dream big and make things happen, only you can do that.

Chapter 7 - Wisdom Vs. Compassion

Wisdom and Compassion is something that does live in all of us. Some choose to dispense wisdom and show compassion while others just choose to keep things bottled up inside. I for one as most of you know choose to show compassion some might say to the extreme. This is not a bad thing, yet something that is great in moderation's. You show a little compassion and some people will stretch that to the max and before you know it you are being taken advantage of.

I have shown compassion and led with my heart for the past 8 years or so and although I feel I have done some good in this world, I can't help but feel also that i have been taken advantage of and in the end burned. This has led me to a great conversation that I had over this past weekend. An idea has been stuck in me that I can not shake and only think about more as time goes on.

Wisdom vs. Compassion or in my friends terms Wisdom BEFORE Compassion. Sounds simple right? But how much do we really think before we act? How much time do we really sit and think about what might happen if this happen, etc. I have realized now after the experiences I have gone through that I really need to think about things and find out what is really important. I felt that maybe compassion was enough but as I have come to find out, compassion can really only get you so far. We need the wisdom to see things before we take that leap. I am not one to talk about wisdom because it seems I have only used the compassion side in my life so far, but I can tell you that I am now taking a much closer look at things and using my best judgment and wisdom to see things through.

So in the end, please if you have compassion use it to the fullest extent you can. This world needs more compassion in it. However use caution and wisdom at the same time and in the end you will feel much better about yourself and the choices you have made. "Wisdom before Compassion" could be better said.

Quotes

So I get these quotes once in a while on my facebook page. I wanted to share them with everybody as I feel they mean something and if you read them through you will see it is wisdom that each of us can take. Enjoy!!

... that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

... that humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.

You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive.

... that it's OK.

Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK.

... that to find out who you are becoming find stories that move your heart.

Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story?

... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.

You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.

... that faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty.

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

... that every little part of you is magical.

Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

... that today is a big day for you.

Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open.

... that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.

That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

... that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.

Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. You are loved only when you feel loved. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for

... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.

That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.

... that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

Red Ink

To all who read, please let me know of any spelling mistakes, problems you see. Please take your red marker and mark up the page. I want to know of any problems so I can correct them Just leave your comments at the bottom and I will correct as I can.

Thank You

MGMT.

Chapter 6 - Who am I?

For those of you that have seen Into the Wild, you can comprehend what I am about to say. For those of you who have not seen the movie or read the book, I suggest you do so as soon as possible. It is one of the saddest stories ever told, based on a true store and the picture you see to the left is the place where Christopher McCandless did eventually die. It is the story about a young man who wanted to see the world, he had the world handed to him and it was not enough. Parents who loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him, yet he was searching for something more. Something in his life was missing and he was in search of it. He died a tragic death at young age but if you look into his story you can can in no way fault him for what he did. He did what he felt he had to do in life and nothing or nobody was going to stop him. He had a top notch education, parents worked for NASA and by all accounts had the perfect life, but in all of that deep down he felt he needed to do something. And so he did. Now go watch the movie :o)

The point I am trying to convey is that no matter our upbringing or how we are raised, we are still able to do what we want and become who we want. there is nothing written that we have to be one way or another. So I am here to tell you who I am and give you some insight into what makes me tick. Not that there has ever been any confusion or anything but this experience of picking up and moving all the way to the eastern part of the United States I will admit has changed me to the core. I have a healthy appreciation for life and what it means. I realize now more then ever the importance of friends and family. I am sure a lot of us take this for granted and assume our spouses, family members and friends will always be there. It is true they will be but anything can change in a instant. I have found this out the hard away and as devastating as it might have been a month ago, I can look back and realize it was the best thing to happen. We get so wrapped up in our own lives and what we are doing we sometimes can not look beyond that. We never take the time to step back and ponder the decisions that probably need to be made. I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and realized after 11 years of selling expensive textbooks to students, this is something I no longer wish to pursue. I have seem to have grown a big heart over the years, maybe it has always been there but in the past 2-3 years or so it has come to the surface and become even more important over the course of the last few months.

I honestly can not pinpoint where this side of caring came from. Most if not all people I have come in contact with say I am nice, easy to get along with and generally do not have any problems (I hope) so why care? Why drop what I have been doing for 11 years and switch gears? I guess it is that cliche of I want to change the world. To many people seem so wrapped up in how much money they can make and how rich they can get. That is great and all and nothing wrong with that, but what about your neighbor about to lose their house? do you just brush them to the side as if they do not mean anything to anybody? More people on earth today need our help more then ever before. Jobs are being eliminated, economy is going in the tank and houses are being foreclosed at record pace. Does this make the individual any less important then yourself? because you have a comfortable lifestyle, how come you can't share? Sharing is something that is probably not in out nature, most of can look back on how that went with siblings and friends when we were growing up. Probably not to well, but I feel we have to share now more then ever before.
Why am I talking about this, I guess because over the past few months I have discovered who I am and maybe what I mission in life is. I want to say this because this is how I feel, not much is going to change my mind and so if you like what I have to say great, I encourage to help out anybody anytime you can. If you don't like me, then that is fine to. better you know now then find out something later you don't like. I am never going to be rich off the bat, but I feel helping somebody in need now outweighs any future earnings down the road. I have submitted my application to the Peace corps and Americorps and am waiting to hear back. I look forward to sharing my thoughts, my heart and my compassion in helping somebody else turn their own life around. If I can do that to just one person then in my mind the mission has been accomplished.

I wish each and everyone of you who read this the best of luck in your own lives, dig deep and try to find that one that will make you happy an follow that idea no matter the outcome. You never know until you try and their is no such thing as failure. Don't let anybody tell you a idea is stupid because no ideas are stupid. Follow your heart and in the end follow your dreams.

**disclaimer** I wrote this with only 1 hour of sleep while sitting in empty airports waiting to go home to see my family, I am sorry if some ideas seem out there or don't make sense :)

Chapter 5 - Friends

The old saying that relationships come and go but friendships last forever could be more true in today's times. Relationships do come and go, they are great and sometimes devastating but we learn from them and move on. Friendships however I believe can and will last forever if they are the right one's. The friendship between siblings tends to be for sure the forever kind, yes we may hate each other growing up but in the end we will always be friends and nothing can break that bond. Over the past few weeks I have added a new friend to my circle, I have seen a friendship be cemented in the back of a police car and I am pretty sure I have lost a friend forever.

We all have friends all over the place, for the most part you might get a Christmas card or a hello every few years. Your path might cross every once in a while if you live nearby, but what really makes a friendship. What is that bond that makes a friendship last? We all I assume have friends from HS and maybe college but out of that group how many do we keep in contact with on a consistent basis? Funny how one or two people can whether the ups and downs to still be in your life today. How that one or two people are always there for you. I am very fortunate to have a great friend who I left back in Redding who I know will always be there for me. I have gained a great friend and of course your sibling will always be your friend.

So I say hold onto the friendships that you have created through the years, if you have not spoken to somebody in a while give them a call or send an email. Friendship is sometimes all we have in life and we have to hold onto that for as long as we can.

I also want to thank all my friends for the support and appreciation each and every one of you have shown over the past few months. thanks to the family as well.

take care

Chapter 4 - Life

Life does not always turn out the way we want it to sometimes and that is a good thing. It may seem like the worst thing in the world to have everything crumble around you. But sometimes the greatest ideas, inventions, plans and relationships rise out of the ashes of failure.

A really good friend of mine told me once that moving the way I have can touch a person's soul and change that person all the way to the core. Well he was right. I moved out here pretty much on a whim and a condition that my brother and his then wife would be moving to Ohio. 4 Months later most everybody who is reading this knows the story that my brother and his wife have split, my two year relationship has ended and my grandpa has passed away. All of this in a very short span. Enough to make someone question what is going on around them. Could have picked up and just went home months ago and that thought crossed my mind. But the more I thought about all of this, I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. All the anger and sadness that I was feeling I realized could be used in a positive way. Moving was the best thing that could have happened because I really have grown as a person. I have grown into who I think I am supposed to be and have found what I think I was born to do. 11 years in a field you are good at is great looking on a resume, but that does not define who I am.

Sadly it took me 3,000 miles and a freezing winter to figure this out, but I am very sure I would not have to come to the same conclusions had I stayed in the situation I was in. This became an outlet and a life changing moment for me. But sometimes in life it is the big changes that make the ever lasting impressions. I have now a very close friend who went through something similar and not sure he would have changed the experience, maybe some parts but the overall experience of just getting on that plane or getting into that car and going can change your life forever. More then you ever thought possible before you left.

Never be afraid of the unknown, you never know what my lie on the other side. As long as you have strong family and friend support you will never fail. You will juts know that it did not work out this time. We never really fail at anything, we are just not as good in some area's. The road less traveled is the best road, the undiscovered highway can lead you to the best moments in your life. Never be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try it I moved 3,000 miles on a whim and am skydiving from 15,000 in 2 weeks. I feel I have accomplished a lot so far and am glad I have done what I did. I would not be in this peaceful state I am now if I had not done it.

Best of luck to everybody and follow your dreams, you never know what will become of them if you don'!!!

Chapter 3 - A Chapter that might need to be closed

This post sort of falls into the life is to short category. We continue to write chapters in our lives as we live. The highs and lows that we may experience throughout our lives. The difficult tests that bring us to the breaking point and the happy times we celebrate could all be defined as a chapter.
Well work is one of those chapters, the thrill of the first job. The high of getting a better job and of course when we retire, the sadness that may come from closing that door. By all means am I way to young to retire, but 11 years spend in a field that was never something you set out to do is a long time to be in that field.
Part of this thinking yes comes from the fact that I have been working going on 4 weeks straight but after a long conversation with my brother on this topic I have realized that maybe it is time to hang it up. 11 years 7 different stores and the feeling is the same. The thrill of a rush and long hours of a buyback is something I used to look forward to, but now am just tired of. The excitement has faded and I feel myself breaking down. My goal either short term or long term is to help people, somehow make somebody else's life a little better then it was. Selling a $200 chemistry book to a freshman is not helping in any sense.

There has to be a greater purpose, what that is I am still looking for. But I strongly feel that maybe the time has come in my life to look at something different. Somewhere I can leave my mark on this planet and know I did a good job. I will be forever grateful for this industry but it is not who I am, nor am I really sure I want to be it.

So who knows, will keep everyone posted on what I find out............