Section II

It has been a year now since I started this blog. The concept behind creating this site was I wanted a place where I can freely express how I feel. Not in a sour note way, but just a way to write what I was thinking. I have broken it up into chapters in hopes of one day writing a book on my experiences through life.

For the past 6 months I have not written anything and yet I have so much to talk about. Funny how much stuff we keep in our head in hopes of writing it down. Most times I suppose that information goes away and we are left with "Oh I should have written that down" There is still much information, thoughts and ideas to be talked about so I will continue writing and please continue reading and giving feed back. Life is very precious yet it is also very interesting.

so here is to the section of my life, enjoy it please.

Chapter 18 - Hero

Alex took the what are you born to do? quiz and the result is hero

now we are not talking bout becoming a super hero... but you were born to help others and put others in front of your needs. you are caring and that is your biggest strength you will do really well in those field where you have to help others like social worker or doctor...options are many

So I took the above quiz and answered things as honestly as I could and low and behold, I am supposed to be a Hero. I have never once considered myself a hero and as most of you know who read this, have always put others needs ahead of my own. Never once taking anything for granted. I have lived I think to help others as I was helped when I was first born.
Let me just say now that I will never be rich in terms of large sums of money laying around my house. people in the health care industry with the exception of doctors and top notch nurses do not get paid probably what they should. But does that really matter? Should we really be choosing jobs just because they can earn you a big paycheck and exotic vacations? I am sure that would be nice and for some that maybe all they need in life. Yet I am feeling like I can do more good with less money.

I have decided to pursue becoming a EMT as my next career choice and eventuly would love to become a paramedic and either work on a care flight or in a ER. Emergency rooms have always held my attention span and I feel that with my caring personailit and my ability to interact with all kinds of people in many different situations that this really would be best occupation for me. This is something that I am very excited about and really can't wait to get started. I am very much looking forward to making this work and seeing it through to the end.

Chapter 17 - Let Me By Myself

I guess i just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain
But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around
and find myself some day

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Would you Let Me Be Myself
Coz I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
And take back all of these times
That I gave in to you

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

That's all i ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..

Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So i can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Chapter 16 - "26"

Do you ever wonder or think about your Chinese sign (the animal that relates to the year you were born according to the Chinese calendar) or do you ever think of your astrology sign, whether or not it is a Taurus or Sagittarius for example. The wording that comes with this and how it relates to our lives is what I find to be fascinating and sometimes dead on.

Well I came across this card the other day that had my birthday “Date” on it and I wanted to share the inside with all of you because I feel it describes me dead on. How the day you were born can alter who you are or who you become is something that has always fascinated me.

So I was born on the 26^th and below you will find all the information that pertains to be being born on this date, if you read this and you know me, I hope you will see what I am talking about and how being born on this particular date has shaped my personality and beliefs. Pretty Interesting.

My Platinum Personality:

“If you were born on the 26^th of any month, you are a master of organization and fully capable of carrying out the general plans and ideas your fertile mind devises. Your steadfast, resolute personality is in command of every mission you assume. Highly intelligent, with strong leadership abilities, you are never content in a subordinate position and usually find a way to have your own business. Your insistence on quality is complemented by your natural “buyer’s eye.” Your strong humanitarian leanings make you ever ready to lend a help”

And that is my date, the day I was born on and my untold life story.

Chapter 15 - Confidence

So I am not sure what happened in Pittsburgh, there was a huge transformation that took place that I really can't explain. I suppose leaving on a whim to a frozen city in the dead of winter and not knowing anybody at all can do that to a person. But each day I am in CA, I thank god that I took that step and have no regrets about doing it. I look back with fond memories of some great people I met in such a beautiful city, but all of that does not compare to what happened to me internally and my new outlook on life.
I used to be a shy, insecure young adult who was worried more about what people thought then what I thought. Why do we worry so much about such petty stuff. Why is it that we worry more about wearing the wrong shirt out then sometimes anything else. I did start to gain some confidence in college, running without a shirt on (may seem pretty small to most people who read this) was the start of it all maybe. When you have something wrong that most people notice, they tend to gravitate towards that first. So as a child growing up I would swim/run/pretty much everything and anything I did with a shirt on. I guess the self consciousness in all of us tends to take over our lives at some point as we try to blend into certain groups in HS and College, we pick sides more or less and that is where we stay sometimes even taking that thought process into our adult lives.

Well moving 3,000 miles away from anybody you know will def. make you grow up faster. you have to fend for yourself and do everything pretty much on your own. There is really nobody there to help you and when I found myself getting off a plane in the dark of winter with two suitcases I realized I better grow up fast. And grow up I feel I have as I now have a huge confidence boost and a new outlook on life. No more worrying about the small stuff in life, I used to work 60+ hours a week in various jobs I have held over the years. For what? you get the piad the same as if you worked 40 and the only person you are hurting is yourself. Life is just to short and precious to be worrying about work all day. Believe or not but you are not living if you are working all the time and suddenly have no time for friends or family.

On the flip side of that coin, no longer can you worry about what others think of you, as hard as that might be. You are who you are and nobody but yourself can change that. Plus why would you want to change? You can't change others and they for sure can't change you. I no longer carry this burden of what people might think about this or that and because of this new found feeling I feel that I am happier and very much more optimistic about the future. Life is really what we make it out to be, only we change the course we take. I have come to terms with this and have planned out my life or at least put it on the pat I wish to take to make it better. I am a simple person who likes the simple things in life. I am very optimistic, sincere and a all around great guy. This is who I am, either you like me or you don't but I can't worry about that anymore as I can't change who I am and I am proud now, more so then ever to be who I am.

With that all being said, all I want to convey is that you need to live the life you want and never settle because someone told you that it might be a good idea. Only you can make that decision and you need to live with the outcome. I now for 100% sure have the idea of what I am looking for in a mate, the plans to succeed in my life, even though I am off to a rocky start and most importantly I have the confidence to make my life what I want it to be. The end has not been written yet and there are still plenty of chapters to write about.

"Faster, Higher, Stronger" YOUR LIFE IS ONLY AS GOOD AS YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE!!

Chapter 14 - Stability

When you look at the above pictures you can not help but look at the true beauty of this place. I am not really a religious person but on my trip in July to Arizona, we stopped by this church out in the middle of the now where south of Tucson and I could not help but feel something about this place. It was very inspiring and impressive at the same time. I just felt this connection that honestly I have never felt before. Something about a little white church with wooden pews and grand architecture that really brought out the charm.

When you look at this place, you can't help but notice that A: it has been around for a very long time and B: it apears that it is not going anywhere anytime soon. It is in essence a very stable place that is still used to this day as a working church that has brought a whole small community together. It is this stability that I wish to talk about because twice now I have been told in so many words that I am not stable. Yes I have moved around in the last 5 years, maybe 6 or some could say ever since I left HS. Yet in those times of moving, I have managed to take care of others, putting them on my backs and carrying them as much as I could. I have moved some of those times to make life better for those around me. Yet they may have never understood that and I am sure I did not explain it well enough at the time but two of my moves have been not for myself but for those around me. I was given the opportunity to make our lives better and I took the higher road, for reasons things have not worked out but I can't look back at that anymore. We have all made choices that I am sure we wish we could change, but I really believe that every choice we make takes us to where we are today.

We will never know why things happen they way they do, but just because one person moves around, does not mean they are unstable. Yes I may not know what I really want, I may have taken risks that may or may not have panned out the way I wanted but that is why I keep going. And perhaps taking risks in life is why I move and try new things, if we don't try new things we or NEW PLACES , we may never know if we like them or not. Some things work out for the best while others don't pan out the way we wish they would. That is life, all we can do is pick up and move on..........

Chapter 13 - I am leaving Pittsburgh, on a Jet Plane..........

The idea to coming back East has been in my mind ever since I was about 12 and our family took a vacation up and down the eastern seaboard. I saw first hand how much less expensive the east can be. Now there are expensive places here and there but nothing when you compare it to California.

With my graduation from college looming I was looking to start a better life for myself and my girlfriend at the time. I had both of our thoughts in mind when making such a brash and somewhat drastic decision. Although she may never feel or see it that way, my heart was in the right place. I accepted this job because I knew it could provide me all of us with a better life. I was living paycheck to paycheck scraping by to make things work while supporting all that were involved. Coming here meant everything from rent, to food, to gas was cheaper while I would be maintaining my same salary as I did in CA.

They say everybody is looking for the American Dream, where you marry the girl of your dreams, buy the house with the white picket fence and live happily ever after. To be honest that is what I was looking for when I came here. I was hoping to marry and settle down with the girl I loved. However there is not marriage at the end of this story, fate as I would know it has a different plan. A plan that I think is the best plan in the world and could never have asked for anything more.

Although I never found the American Dream, I found out more things about myself and life then I ever could have if I had stayed in CA. It sucks that I had to find this 2500 miles away from friends and family but I swear that I have no regrets on what I have done and encourage everybody to take a leap of faith and get out of their comfort zone. For years upon years I have been a slave to the workforce just trying to make that extra buck to support people who may not have supported me. I have tried to make the most money possible because that is what society expects us to do. If you are not rich then you are not really considered. If you have no job you are looked down upon and your life just becomes that much harder.

So here I am on my last Sunday in Pittsburgh sitting in the coffee shop where everybody knows my name and can pretty much have my drink ready for me by the time I come in. This has become my second home, a place I visit every day and sometimes multiple times a day. I have spent more money supporting this coffee shop then any other place I have been.

I had no idea what to expect when I stepped off that plane the day after Christmas, when I found myself suddenly very alone and in the biggest city I had ever lived in. I would have never imagined what would be in store for me in the upcoming months nor would I have ever imagined how my life would change. they say big changes can be scary and I will be the first to admit that. But changes are also something we need in our lives to keep going. We need change and we need to be challenged. Life is not easy and I have come to terms with that. I have had a great upbringing and consider myself lucky but being out here on my own has made me realize not only how precious life is but how much we need to value life itself more.

i have decided to leave like most of you have ready already because things in life do not always turn out the way we hope them to. Not to say my American Dream is dead, it is just on the back burner for a while. Only letters sent by a friend and the many phone calls from family was what kept me going. Sure I could have just given up, packed my bags and said screw it and taken the next flight out.

But I saw this as a learning opportunity, a lesson that life does in fact suck sometimes and yet we still have to live it. We can't give up on ourselves every time something happens, otherwise we would be giving up everyday. I have learned that yet life is not fair, we are the only ones that can make life what it is. Sure we can have help from family and friends but yet we live our own lives, we are the keeper of our dreams, our aspirations and our loves. Only we can make our lives what they are. We can't give up on ourselves because if we do, we are giving up on others that care about us.

So after 6 months I figured out that it was time to live for myself, and if someone comes along fantastic, if not, such as life. I have decided after 11 years to ditch the Textbook Industry in search of what I was meant to do with my life. I have compassion that will fill a ballroom and a heart I like to think is bigger then most. Helping American youth is something that I want to do. I have a degree in Liberal Arts because I wanted to be a teacher. Yet teaching for just 8 hours while students read out of a book and prepare for tests is not helping. You are there babysitting and your job is always on the line if the test score goes below what it should be. So I am hoping to work in a group home, volunteer at an after school program and get my name out there. I am moving back to Sacramento to be closer to friends and family and start my life over again. Start the life I want to live and not live the life somebody else wants or expects me to live.

So what I am trying to say as I close in on my last week here is that life is to short for us to worry about what other people want us to do or what we should be doing. Only we can live our lives and we need to live them to the fullest. So as I leave the steel city and the city to have two championship teams in the same year I am very blessed to have this experience because if none of these life events had taken place who knows what would have happened. Who knows where I would be or what I would be doing. It was not easy to come this far but I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me here. I could never have done it without you. I am blessed to have the family and friend support I have and and am once again looking forward to coming home.

Thank you Pittsburgh for the memories and life lessons you have taught me. Heartache is nothing to sneeze at but sometimes we have to have heartache to find happiness.

HELLO CALIFORNIA