Chapter 12 - The Great Flood of '09

So I moved to a city that apparently has the worse weather on the planet. It is freezing cold and snow in the winter, really humid in the summer and everything else in between.
It was this past Wednesday around 6pm that I noticed it started to rain, nothing new I know. However it started to rain harder and the wind started to pick up. I mean to the point where the rain was blowing horizontal. Almost white out conditions as it was raining so hard you could not see more then a quarter of a mile down the street. So I called everyone I know and told them how powerful and cool this was. Little did I know there would be a surprise waiting for me.

So I closed the store and put everything away. I went downstairs to use the bathroom before I went home. The carpet was wet which was odd to me. I opened the door to my textbook area which is our basement level only to find about 6 inches of standing water. We are talking every inch of the bottom floor was under water. I opened the elevator door and water came rushing out. My first instinct was crap, so I took off shoes and socks and go right in, I called a fellow employee who came back to the store and we were there till 9pm picking everything up off the ground.

Damage is there, carpet still wet as the I have called 3 different companies and I am hoping they come Monday. take that back, praying they come Monday. I am afraid of mold and the smell as I type this. Everybody has had the same problem so it is a more less get in line and wait.

So that is my story, before I leave something had to happen right. I guess this is my big send off, a flooded basement.

Chapter 11 - Broken pieces

We have all seen objects shatter on the ground and break into many little pieces. Ever try to mend that broken glass? Have we ever tried to piece back the glass to resembles what it once was before? I am sure we have all tried to do this act or I am sure we have just swept up the mess and thrown it away.
But what happens when that broken glass is your heart? How do you mend something you can not physically touch? There is no cure for a broken heart, no pill or medicine you can take to make the pain go away. They say only time is the best remedy and the healer of something so deep and so inside of you. I would agree that only time can heal such pain but how long do we have to wait? What happens to when the pain is so deep and is felt so strong.
I imagine it in the way that there are layers of pain and I am waiting for each layer to heal. But as with anything that is layered it just takes that much longer to heal because each layer needs to heal before the next one can start the process.

Why does it take so long???????????????????????????????

Chapter 10 - No Opportunity Wasted

Ever think of the future? Ever think of what you wish to do in your life before your time is up? Well for those of you who ponder what you want out of life, or for those of you who just need that little extra push then I really suggest you read the book "No Opportunity Wasted" written by Phil Keoghan who we all know as the host of the TV show the "Amazing Race."

This book is much more then creating a list, living life and doing what you have always wanted to do. It is about making time to make your dreams come true. It is not a self help book although I am sure it falls into that category. This is a book that after you read it will make you believe that anything is possible. (Well I hope so)

So in the spirit of this book I have created my own list of stuff I wish to accomplish in my lifetime. Now this is a starter list, your list can always change as you have new ideas, are inspired by people around you or have a new found hobby or activity.

Each chapter is a theme as I will outline below, next to the theme is my dream or my wish for what I wish to accomplish in my life. Please feel free to leave your list in the comment box as I would love to see what other people wish to make out of their lives.

Thank You,

Face your Fear: So I would have to say falling out of an airplane at 10,000 feet is pretty dam nerve racking, I also plan on bungee jumping (hands touching the water), I wish to white water raft a class 5 section of river and most of all Climb to the Top of Mt. Everest where countless people lose their lives trying every year!

Get Lost: I would say planting yourself in the middle of a city 2500 miles away from family and friends is what getting lost is all about. But I goal is join the peace corps and get lost in a foreign country helping people who need the help the most. I want to make a difference in this world and if that means getting lost on some far away remote piece of land, well then that is where you will find me.

Test your Limits: The only thing that limits us is our mind, our body and our soul. If we can conquer that then there is nothing to limit us. So what is really pushing the limit? for me it would to see how far the human body can go. There is a race called the badwater ultra marathon, what can test the human spirit more then a race of 135 miles in length that ranges from -238 feet in the Mojave desert all the way up to 8,000 feet on Mt. Whitney and to top it off it is run in July, the middle of summer. Imagine running where it is so hot that your shoes melt into the pavement yet it could be snowing at the finish line. That to me is testing your limits and pushing your body to the max. Also would love to do the iditarod sled dog race!!


Take a Leap of Faith: Asking someone to take a leap of faith I am sure is harder now to do then ever before. And I am about to do something that is a huge leap of faith. The journey I am about to embark on is something that will test not only my faith, my patience but my spirit as well. To leave this industry and this job is crazy to most, and I would agree it is. The course of events over the past few months has led me take a closer look at my life, faith has played a part in all of this and I feel now is the time for a change. I want nothing more then to leave my mark on this planet and help people along the way. I have a tremendous amount of compassion that has gotten me into trouble but I know deep down this is what I was put here to do. I found my true calling and and am eager to get started on this new chapter and take this giant leap of faith into the unknown.

Rediscover your childhood: This one I feel to be the hardest one of them all because what do we do from our childhood we can do now. There are lots of things we did when we were kids but what do we put down here? This one is still a work in progress so stop back for this one

Shed your Inhibitions/Express Yourself: So what do you do here? How can one dream of expressing themselves? I have had a few days to think of this and although I suppose it is not really a dream, I guess my goal would be to come out of my shell. I have been told I am to shy and I would agre, it takes a while for me to warm up to people, but once I do you will have a friend forever. Maybe take a dance class or just get out more and have fun. I guess the whole point of this is to enjoy life and what better way to do then getting out and meeting new people and exploring new places instead of being trapped in your shell.

Break New Ground: I guess breaking new ground can be any number of things, a new chapter in life, starting over in a new environment. But for me personally I would like build and run a camp for underprivileged and at risk youth. I would like this to maybe a outdoor charter school and in the summer months be a camp. Somewhere in the foothills next to a river.or near a beach. Something where kids can come and be who they are, enjoy themselves without all the negativity that goes all around us each day. A safe place for kids who need it most.

Aim for the Heart: This one is probably the most important to me because what I want to do is help kids. I have known this for sometime but like I had mentioned before it has only recently come to the surface. I hope to get my masters degree in education counseling and follow that with a PHD in social welfare or human services. I hope to join the peace corps and really make a difference on this planet. I hope to work with at risk youth and really make a difference in their lives. That is where my heart lies and that is what I am going to do. So as a final dream I guess you can say I wish to leave my mark on this planet and know that what I did was for the greater benefit of our youth. If I can change one life then the dream is complete. I also want to work in non-profits and work with people who suffer from scoliosis and kyphosis which is something I suffer from. Maybe open part of my camp to people with this disability as well.


So now you have read most of what I want, I encourage everyone who reads this over and to make out their own list and leave it in the comment field, you are never to old or to young to start living your dreams. And never ever let anyone tell you no or it is not good enough, only you can decide how your dreams play out.

Chapter 9 - A new start

So I have decided to do something that some might think is foolish, dumb or even crazy. But what I am about to write about and about to do is something that has been brewing inside of me I am sure for years but a certain chain of events over the past few months has made me realize that maybe I was put on this earth to do something different.
I am walking away completely from a field of work that has blessed me with 11 years of employment. On June 26 I will say goodbye (will temp at a store to bridge the gap) to the College Bookstore Industry. For the past 11 years I have been working full time or pretty close to it, have only taken two real vacations that I can recall and have supported people other then myself both financially and emotionally that I think I at a point where I can honestly say I am burned out, tired and have hit the wall.

So what to do? Darn good question. I am looking at starting my masters in School Counseling come this fall, and I hope to get involved in social work or some sort of social welfare program. I would like to work with troubled youth who can really use a mentor and some guidance. I hope to eventually work in an outdoor camp setting or someday open my own outdoor youth facility.
this is very different from what I have done and what I know. I am taking a gamble by leaving this position as we know jobs are few and far between but this is something that I feel very deeply about.

I have come to realize a lot of things over the past few months. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs and have realized that there is so much more to life then making money and killing yourself doing it. You are not living if you work 6 days a week, 60 hours a week. What is the point, you are always tired, never time for anything and before you know it you are a slave to your job. That is not living, you are just wasting time and possibly losing friends and family in the process.

So here I am, getting out of the rat race and going to try something new. It is all about living now as I feel I have not been doing that for sometime. Yes I will never be rich, but really how do you define being rich? You can never measure happiness on a stack of green bills because then you will never be happy. To often we equate status with money, one is better then the other by how much they make or what job they have. I say crap to that, you never judge somebody by what they do or what they make. It is what is inside that counts and way to often that is over looked and misjudged.

So as I embark on new adventures, I am looking forward the challenge, meeting new people and finding out who I really am. Wish me luck

So to this end, I say CHEERS and am very thankful for everything I have had. I am thankful for the support my family and friends have given because without their support I am sure none of this would have been possible. Have to admit it is a pretty crazy move!!!

Thank You

Chapter 8 - Free Falling

For those of you just tuning in or those that read this you will know by now that I have wanted to go skydiving for some time. Now to the left you will see a picture of my self and Mark my jump. Instructor. Now I tandem jumped which means I was tied to him the whole time. He has been jumping since he was 16 so I figured to be in pretty good hands.
Now I figured I would be jumping from some airport or some nice facility. However after driving two hours from my home here in Pittsburgh to outside Canton, Ohio I found myself turning down a dirt road next to an airstrip made of grass. Never judge a book by it's cover I have been told so here I am.
After going through pre-flight instructions and watching counltess videos played on the TV of other jumpers I found myself taking pictures and walking out to a Cessna. (Small Airplane)
There was another gentleman who had just come home from Iraq and his wife got him a gift certificate. Like most people there who were jumping they had family and friends, this gentleman and I were by ourselves. Funny how many times they asked if anybody would be joining me. Just kept telling them I was alone, always good when you are about to jump out of an airplane. Had to leave the good ol emergency contact number just in case. Sign the waiver so I won't sue them and I am off.
We took off using this long strech of grass field. It was a bumpy take off with 5 people (including pilot) squished into this small plane. We climbed which seem to take forever and up until this point I will admit I was not nervous at all, not even scared. But of course the higher you are going and the small the ground is, you can't help but feel a bit aprehinsive. I mean you are climbing to 10,000 ft. there is a lake below you, some roads and this small target (airport) which oyu are aiming for.
After reaching 10,000 feet, time to put on goggles and hat, get straped to my instructor and after the first team left it was our turn. Door is open, plane going 100's of miles per hour and you are supposed to fall away from the plane. Well since you are no in control, the inst. is you have no choice but to exit.
So here we are now outside the plane wind in face free falling from 10,000 feet. This is the point you start to scream and wonder what the hell I just did. Because I had not tucked my legs back we started to spin a bit as we were falling, the inst. kicked my legs back and we were able to faltten out. Now I have my arms out like I am flying hurling towards the ground. cheeks flapping and ground approaching.
The chute opend and we did not shoot up like you see in movies, made sure all was ok and at 5,000 feet we started our nice glide. It is very quiet up there and I can talk to the inst. I was able to grab the handles of the chute and could turn left and right, went out over the lake and headed towards the landing spot. Feet up and a nice butt slide on the ground to land and after about 10 min. I was back on earth.

After someone telling me this was a dumb idea, I had to do it. Any time somebody tells you what you believe is wrong, makes you want to do it all the more. This was the greatest experience I have had to date. Doing soemthing out of your comfort zone is hard, but sometimes we have to prove to others and ourselves that we can do it.

this is not the last time I will do this, it was fun and very self rewarding. I even got the Dvd if anybody ever wants to see it.

So moral of the story is Follow your dreams no matter what they are, you only live once so live your life to the fullest every day. Dream big and make things happen, only you can do that.

Chapter 7 - Wisdom Vs. Compassion

Wisdom and Compassion is something that does live in all of us. Some choose to dispense wisdom and show compassion while others just choose to keep things bottled up inside. I for one as most of you know choose to show compassion some might say to the extreme. This is not a bad thing, yet something that is great in moderation's. You show a little compassion and some people will stretch that to the max and before you know it you are being taken advantage of.

I have shown compassion and led with my heart for the past 8 years or so and although I feel I have done some good in this world, I can't help but feel also that i have been taken advantage of and in the end burned. This has led me to a great conversation that I had over this past weekend. An idea has been stuck in me that I can not shake and only think about more as time goes on.

Wisdom vs. Compassion or in my friends terms Wisdom BEFORE Compassion. Sounds simple right? But how much do we really think before we act? How much time do we really sit and think about what might happen if this happen, etc. I have realized now after the experiences I have gone through that I really need to think about things and find out what is really important. I felt that maybe compassion was enough but as I have come to find out, compassion can really only get you so far. We need the wisdom to see things before we take that leap. I am not one to talk about wisdom because it seems I have only used the compassion side in my life so far, but I can tell you that I am now taking a much closer look at things and using my best judgment and wisdom to see things through.

So in the end, please if you have compassion use it to the fullest extent you can. This world needs more compassion in it. However use caution and wisdom at the same time and in the end you will feel much better about yourself and the choices you have made. "Wisdom before Compassion" could be better said.

Quotes

So I get these quotes once in a while on my facebook page. I wanted to share them with everybody as I feel they mean something and if you read them through you will see it is wisdom that each of us can take. Enjoy!!

... that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

... that humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.

You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive.

... that it's OK.

Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK.

... that to find out who you are becoming find stories that move your heart.

Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story?

... that it is time to finally forgive yourself.

You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has to come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about it.

... that faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty.

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

... that every little part of you is magical.

Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

... that today is a big day for you.

Yes, today. Keep your eyes open for a message. It might come in a shape of a bird flying overhead, or a graffiti on a wall, or a phrase said by a passerby, or... Whatever shape it has, this message has been trying to reach you for years, and today is finally the day. Keep your senses open.

... that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.

That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

... that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.

Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. You are loved only when you feel loved. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for

... that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.

That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.

... that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you've missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.