Chapter 13 - I am leaving Pittsburgh, on a Jet Plane..........

The idea to coming back East has been in my mind ever since I was about 12 and our family took a vacation up and down the eastern seaboard. I saw first hand how much less expensive the east can be. Now there are expensive places here and there but nothing when you compare it to California.

With my graduation from college looming I was looking to start a better life for myself and my girlfriend at the time. I had both of our thoughts in mind when making such a brash and somewhat drastic decision. Although she may never feel or see it that way, my heart was in the right place. I accepted this job because I knew it could provide me all of us with a better life. I was living paycheck to paycheck scraping by to make things work while supporting all that were involved. Coming here meant everything from rent, to food, to gas was cheaper while I would be maintaining my same salary as I did in CA.

They say everybody is looking for the American Dream, where you marry the girl of your dreams, buy the house with the white picket fence and live happily ever after. To be honest that is what I was looking for when I came here. I was hoping to marry and settle down with the girl I loved. However there is not marriage at the end of this story, fate as I would know it has a different plan. A plan that I think is the best plan in the world and could never have asked for anything more.

Although I never found the American Dream, I found out more things about myself and life then I ever could have if I had stayed in CA. It sucks that I had to find this 2500 miles away from friends and family but I swear that I have no regrets on what I have done and encourage everybody to take a leap of faith and get out of their comfort zone. For years upon years I have been a slave to the workforce just trying to make that extra buck to support people who may not have supported me. I have tried to make the most money possible because that is what society expects us to do. If you are not rich then you are not really considered. If you have no job you are looked down upon and your life just becomes that much harder.

So here I am on my last Sunday in Pittsburgh sitting in the coffee shop where everybody knows my name and can pretty much have my drink ready for me by the time I come in. This has become my second home, a place I visit every day and sometimes multiple times a day. I have spent more money supporting this coffee shop then any other place I have been.

I had no idea what to expect when I stepped off that plane the day after Christmas, when I found myself suddenly very alone and in the biggest city I had ever lived in. I would have never imagined what would be in store for me in the upcoming months nor would I have ever imagined how my life would change. they say big changes can be scary and I will be the first to admit that. But changes are also something we need in our lives to keep going. We need change and we need to be challenged. Life is not easy and I have come to terms with that. I have had a great upbringing and consider myself lucky but being out here on my own has made me realize not only how precious life is but how much we need to value life itself more.

i have decided to leave like most of you have ready already because things in life do not always turn out the way we hope them to. Not to say my American Dream is dead, it is just on the back burner for a while. Only letters sent by a friend and the many phone calls from family was what kept me going. Sure I could have just given up, packed my bags and said screw it and taken the next flight out.

But I saw this as a learning opportunity, a lesson that life does in fact suck sometimes and yet we still have to live it. We can't give up on ourselves every time something happens, otherwise we would be giving up everyday. I have learned that yet life is not fair, we are the only ones that can make life what it is. Sure we can have help from family and friends but yet we live our own lives, we are the keeper of our dreams, our aspirations and our loves. Only we can make our lives what they are. We can't give up on ourselves because if we do, we are giving up on others that care about us.

So after 6 months I figured out that it was time to live for myself, and if someone comes along fantastic, if not, such as life. I have decided after 11 years to ditch the Textbook Industry in search of what I was meant to do with my life. I have compassion that will fill a ballroom and a heart I like to think is bigger then most. Helping American youth is something that I want to do. I have a degree in Liberal Arts because I wanted to be a teacher. Yet teaching for just 8 hours while students read out of a book and prepare for tests is not helping. You are there babysitting and your job is always on the line if the test score goes below what it should be. So I am hoping to work in a group home, volunteer at an after school program and get my name out there. I am moving back to Sacramento to be closer to friends and family and start my life over again. Start the life I want to live and not live the life somebody else wants or expects me to live.

So what I am trying to say as I close in on my last week here is that life is to short for us to worry about what other people want us to do or what we should be doing. Only we can live our lives and we need to live them to the fullest. So as I leave the steel city and the city to have two championship teams in the same year I am very blessed to have this experience because if none of these life events had taken place who knows what would have happened. Who knows where I would be or what I would be doing. It was not easy to come this far but I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me here. I could never have done it without you. I am blessed to have the family and friend support I have and and am once again looking forward to coming home.

Thank you Pittsburgh for the memories and life lessons you have taught me. Heartache is nothing to sneeze at but sometimes we have to have heartache to find happiness.

HELLO CALIFORNIA

Chapter 12 - The Great Flood of '09

So I moved to a city that apparently has the worse weather on the planet. It is freezing cold and snow in the winter, really humid in the summer and everything else in between.
It was this past Wednesday around 6pm that I noticed it started to rain, nothing new I know. However it started to rain harder and the wind started to pick up. I mean to the point where the rain was blowing horizontal. Almost white out conditions as it was raining so hard you could not see more then a quarter of a mile down the street. So I called everyone I know and told them how powerful and cool this was. Little did I know there would be a surprise waiting for me.

So I closed the store and put everything away. I went downstairs to use the bathroom before I went home. The carpet was wet which was odd to me. I opened the door to my textbook area which is our basement level only to find about 6 inches of standing water. We are talking every inch of the bottom floor was under water. I opened the elevator door and water came rushing out. My first instinct was crap, so I took off shoes and socks and go right in, I called a fellow employee who came back to the store and we were there till 9pm picking everything up off the ground.

Damage is there, carpet still wet as the I have called 3 different companies and I am hoping they come Monday. take that back, praying they come Monday. I am afraid of mold and the smell as I type this. Everybody has had the same problem so it is a more less get in line and wait.

So that is my story, before I leave something had to happen right. I guess this is my big send off, a flooded basement.

Chapter 11 - Broken pieces

We have all seen objects shatter on the ground and break into many little pieces. Ever try to mend that broken glass? Have we ever tried to piece back the glass to resembles what it once was before? I am sure we have all tried to do this act or I am sure we have just swept up the mess and thrown it away.
But what happens when that broken glass is your heart? How do you mend something you can not physically touch? There is no cure for a broken heart, no pill or medicine you can take to make the pain go away. They say only time is the best remedy and the healer of something so deep and so inside of you. I would agree that only time can heal such pain but how long do we have to wait? What happens to when the pain is so deep and is felt so strong.
I imagine it in the way that there are layers of pain and I am waiting for each layer to heal. But as with anything that is layered it just takes that much longer to heal because each layer needs to heal before the next one can start the process.

Why does it take so long???????????????????????????????

Chapter 10 - No Opportunity Wasted

Ever think of the future? Ever think of what you wish to do in your life before your time is up? Well for those of you who ponder what you want out of life, or for those of you who just need that little extra push then I really suggest you read the book "No Opportunity Wasted" written by Phil Keoghan who we all know as the host of the TV show the "Amazing Race."

This book is much more then creating a list, living life and doing what you have always wanted to do. It is about making time to make your dreams come true. It is not a self help book although I am sure it falls into that category. This is a book that after you read it will make you believe that anything is possible. (Well I hope so)

So in the spirit of this book I have created my own list of stuff I wish to accomplish in my lifetime. Now this is a starter list, your list can always change as you have new ideas, are inspired by people around you or have a new found hobby or activity.

Each chapter is a theme as I will outline below, next to the theme is my dream or my wish for what I wish to accomplish in my life. Please feel free to leave your list in the comment box as I would love to see what other people wish to make out of their lives.

Thank You,

Face your Fear: So I would have to say falling out of an airplane at 10,000 feet is pretty dam nerve racking, I also plan on bungee jumping (hands touching the water), I wish to white water raft a class 5 section of river and most of all Climb to the Top of Mt. Everest where countless people lose their lives trying every year!

Get Lost: I would say planting yourself in the middle of a city 2500 miles away from family and friends is what getting lost is all about. But I goal is join the peace corps and get lost in a foreign country helping people who need the help the most. I want to make a difference in this world and if that means getting lost on some far away remote piece of land, well then that is where you will find me.

Test your Limits: The only thing that limits us is our mind, our body and our soul. If we can conquer that then there is nothing to limit us. So what is really pushing the limit? for me it would to see how far the human body can go. There is a race called the badwater ultra marathon, what can test the human spirit more then a race of 135 miles in length that ranges from -238 feet in the Mojave desert all the way up to 8,000 feet on Mt. Whitney and to top it off it is run in July, the middle of summer. Imagine running where it is so hot that your shoes melt into the pavement yet it could be snowing at the finish line. That to me is testing your limits and pushing your body to the max. Also would love to do the iditarod sled dog race!!


Take a Leap of Faith: Asking someone to take a leap of faith I am sure is harder now to do then ever before. And I am about to do something that is a huge leap of faith. The journey I am about to embark on is something that will test not only my faith, my patience but my spirit as well. To leave this industry and this job is crazy to most, and I would agree it is. The course of events over the past few months has led me take a closer look at my life, faith has played a part in all of this and I feel now is the time for a change. I want nothing more then to leave my mark on this planet and help people along the way. I have a tremendous amount of compassion that has gotten me into trouble but I know deep down this is what I was put here to do. I found my true calling and and am eager to get started on this new chapter and take this giant leap of faith into the unknown.

Rediscover your childhood: This one I feel to be the hardest one of them all because what do we do from our childhood we can do now. There are lots of things we did when we were kids but what do we put down here? This one is still a work in progress so stop back for this one

Shed your Inhibitions/Express Yourself: So what do you do here? How can one dream of expressing themselves? I have had a few days to think of this and although I suppose it is not really a dream, I guess my goal would be to come out of my shell. I have been told I am to shy and I would agre, it takes a while for me to warm up to people, but once I do you will have a friend forever. Maybe take a dance class or just get out more and have fun. I guess the whole point of this is to enjoy life and what better way to do then getting out and meeting new people and exploring new places instead of being trapped in your shell.

Break New Ground: I guess breaking new ground can be any number of things, a new chapter in life, starting over in a new environment. But for me personally I would like build and run a camp for underprivileged and at risk youth. I would like this to maybe a outdoor charter school and in the summer months be a camp. Somewhere in the foothills next to a river.or near a beach. Something where kids can come and be who they are, enjoy themselves without all the negativity that goes all around us each day. A safe place for kids who need it most.

Aim for the Heart: This one is probably the most important to me because what I want to do is help kids. I have known this for sometime but like I had mentioned before it has only recently come to the surface. I hope to get my masters degree in education counseling and follow that with a PHD in social welfare or human services. I hope to join the peace corps and really make a difference on this planet. I hope to work with at risk youth and really make a difference in their lives. That is where my heart lies and that is what I am going to do. So as a final dream I guess you can say I wish to leave my mark on this planet and know that what I did was for the greater benefit of our youth. If I can change one life then the dream is complete. I also want to work in non-profits and work with people who suffer from scoliosis and kyphosis which is something I suffer from. Maybe open part of my camp to people with this disability as well.


So now you have read most of what I want, I encourage everyone who reads this over and to make out their own list and leave it in the comment field, you are never to old or to young to start living your dreams. And never ever let anyone tell you no or it is not good enough, only you can decide how your dreams play out.

Chapter 9 - A new start

So I have decided to do something that some might think is foolish, dumb or even crazy. But what I am about to write about and about to do is something that has been brewing inside of me I am sure for years but a certain chain of events over the past few months has made me realize that maybe I was put on this earth to do something different.
I am walking away completely from a field of work that has blessed me with 11 years of employment. On June 26 I will say goodbye (will temp at a store to bridge the gap) to the College Bookstore Industry. For the past 11 years I have been working full time or pretty close to it, have only taken two real vacations that I can recall and have supported people other then myself both financially and emotionally that I think I at a point where I can honestly say I am burned out, tired and have hit the wall.

So what to do? Darn good question. I am looking at starting my masters in School Counseling come this fall, and I hope to get involved in social work or some sort of social welfare program. I would like to work with troubled youth who can really use a mentor and some guidance. I hope to eventually work in an outdoor camp setting or someday open my own outdoor youth facility.
this is very different from what I have done and what I know. I am taking a gamble by leaving this position as we know jobs are few and far between but this is something that I feel very deeply about.

I have come to realize a lot of things over the past few months. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs and have realized that there is so much more to life then making money and killing yourself doing it. You are not living if you work 6 days a week, 60 hours a week. What is the point, you are always tired, never time for anything and before you know it you are a slave to your job. That is not living, you are just wasting time and possibly losing friends and family in the process.

So here I am, getting out of the rat race and going to try something new. It is all about living now as I feel I have not been doing that for sometime. Yes I will never be rich, but really how do you define being rich? You can never measure happiness on a stack of green bills because then you will never be happy. To often we equate status with money, one is better then the other by how much they make or what job they have. I say crap to that, you never judge somebody by what they do or what they make. It is what is inside that counts and way to often that is over looked and misjudged.

So as I embark on new adventures, I am looking forward the challenge, meeting new people and finding out who I really am. Wish me luck

So to this end, I say CHEERS and am very thankful for everything I have had. I am thankful for the support my family and friends have given because without their support I am sure none of this would have been possible. Have to admit it is a pretty crazy move!!!

Thank You